Rachel Maddow CAUGHT in a MASSIVE LIE: She Told 400,000 Federal Contracts Were Trump’s, But Actually… Biden Made Them!
It was just another Wednesday night in the world of political commentary, a world I have no real business being part of, but where I somehow always seem to find myself. It was one of those rare moments when I had the television on, not because I cared about the news, but because I was looking for a distraction from my own existential crisis. The fridge had been empty for days, and I’d already checked the kitchen twice to see if any miraculous snack would appear, like a sad, leftover bag of chips, or maybe even a half-eaten pickle from a jar that had been sitting there since 2019. No luck.
So, there I was, tuned into Rachel Maddow’s show. It was a regular affair—her meticulous manner of speaking, the furrowed brow, as though she were trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while being pursued by a pack of wild dogs. Everything was calm, steady… until it wasn’t.
Rachel, in her typically precise tone, began discussing something that caught my attention. “Did you know,” she said, lowering her voice for dramatic effect (which is a move I can’t help but respect), “that 400,000 federal contracts were awarded by Trump? Yes, that’s right—Trump, the master of deals, the businessman.”
There was a pause, and then came the punchline: “400,000, all his doing.”
I paused. I rewound the DVR. I checked my phone. I even peeked outside to make sure there wasn’t a strange meteor shower of disinformation falling from the sky. Could it be? Were we being lied to?
I mean, 400,000 federal contracts? I didn’t know Trump could even write a contract, let alone personally award 400,000 of them. I would have been impressed if he could figure out how to navigate a PDF, let alone orchestrate that many government transactions. So, of course, I did what any sensible person would do in 2025: I took to Google.
And there it was.
Biden. Biden had made the contracts. Not Trump. Biden. The man who, as it turns out, has been in office long enough to have read enough contracts to know that 400,000 of them can be signed with the delicate precision of a man who’s spent most of his career in Washington, DC.
I let out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a gasp. I could hear my own disappointment echoing through the empty kitchen, which, by the way, still contained nothing more than an almost-empty ketchup bottle.
I went back to Rachel’s segment. She was still talking, still being Rachel, but something in her eyes told me she knew what was coming. There was a slight hesitation before the next sentence slipped out like an uncomfortable secret at a family gathering. “Well, of course,” she continued, “it was actually Biden who oversaw these contracts… but, um, Trump… Trump… well, he did something, right?”
It was a nice try, Rachel. But like my last attempt at cooking dinner, it fell apart in the end.
By now, I was no longer paying attention to the show. I was caught up in the idea of what life must be like when you’re Rachel Maddow. She’s the queen of making everyone feel like their lives are unraveling, but in a way that’s intellectual and informed. I’ve often wondered if she watches her own shows back and laughs maniacally at how much influence she has, or if she just makes a sad face like the rest of us when our own brains occasionally betray us.
In the end, I suppose it’s all part of the game. If you can’t win with the facts, you might as well spin a few yarns. The only thing that remains constant in these political melodramas is that someone’s always lying, someone’s always misleading, and someone’s always so very, very confident about it.
As for me, I’ll be in the kitchen, still waiting for that pickle to make an appearance. And maybe, just maybe, the truth, too.
Note: This is a satirical piece and should not be taken seriously!